When I finally get fired from ME, I'm going out like Carol Bartz. Yeah, fuck you, doofus ME readers!
This week has not been a great one for the more profane of our beloved execs. First TechCrunch's fruity Michael Arrington gets sidelined by AOL and then Bartz gets the dreaded Dear Carol phonecall from her board.
It's enough to make you cry.
Not that Bartz would indulge in any of that weepy girly shit. Nah, this is a different brand of exec, the kind I'd be if I had the brains/ability/front to be a CEO. Let's face it, Bartz has a pair of big hairy balls.
This is the woman who, apparently, had $10 million outstanding in her 'non-disparagement' clause and then went and gave an interview to Fortune in which she described the Yahoo board as a bunch of doofuses who fucked her over.
The exact words were: "The board was so spooked by being cast as the worst board in the country.
"Now they're trying to show that they're not the doofuses that they are."
Priceless. That interview effectively cost her $10m.
And it followed what must have been like a right old lark, when Bartz found out that Yahoo's lawyers had gone to her hotel with legal papers, and she hurriedly booked into another.
It reminded me of when Smashy and Nicey were 'resigned' and raced their bosses breathlessly down the corridors of Radio 1.
Still, how refreshingly different from the usual mealy-mouthed exits negotiated by sacked execs protecting their bonuses. And, let's face it, these gags are only applied to keep the share price high – when it's a focus on short term share prices that causes so much mismanagement in the first place.
Mind you, looking at it the other way, Bartz did have it coming.
In two and a half years, she had clearly failed to articulate a compelling strategy for Yahoo, or compete in any meaningful way with Facebook and Google. If they were Michael and Janet Jackson, Yahoo was Marlon.
When asked what Yahoo actually did, Bartz once answered: "Content, communications media, technology, innovation — that’s Yahoo."
Those are just words. And not even good ones. Like fuck or doofus.
From a mobile perspective Yahoo has been frankly unfathomable, changing strategy constantly and bringing out endless new brands. Yahoo Go!? Yahoo OneSearch? And on and on. I've had briefings in the past where I haven't had the foggiest what Yahoo was on about – and I suspect neither did they.
But Yahoo has taught me one thing. And that's how to get sacked.
Fuck that £25 M&S voucher non-disparagement clause, Intent Media, I'm going down in flames.