Looming nightmare for the OS – can Google find a dessert beginning with X?
Ice Cream Sandwich has me worried.
Oh, I'm not concerned about the tech itself. That seems very nice, although the facial recognition feature does seem a little unfair on those of us planning on extensive cosmetic surgery.
It's the name.
I mean, Ice Cream Sandwich? A dessert? It just seems to ram home the California-sation of the mobile business (yes, California-sation is a word - look it up in the Palo Alto version of Websters). As a Brit, I've never had an ice cream sandwich, just as (I imagine), my Silicon Valley counterparts have never had a cheese and pickle sarnie.
But we put up with another bit of creeping Americanisation, as we Brits always will, by tutting and carrying on.
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However, this just seems to foreshadow a looking crisis for the Android OS.
As most readers will know, Google names each subsequent version of Android after desserts. It's a cute idea, making those lines of code as delicious to civilians as they are to developers.
But you have to wonder at some of the choices so far. Here they are in full:
Cupcake
Donut
Eclair
Froyo
Gingerbread
Honeycomb
Ice Cream Sandwich
There's a some weird ones in there. I had to google Froyo (yes, there's irony in there) to realise it was 'frozen yoghurt', and is a donut a dessert? Any fool knows it's a mid-morning snack – one of your five a day,
Overall, I don't think Google thought this through.
What happens at X? Has anyone eaten Xylophone crumble? X-Ray and custard? And while I'll admit Xenon souffle would be lighter than air (literally), I still wouldn't order one.
But get past X, and Z lies in wait.
Zucchini is a perfectly nice vegetable. I've been known to grow them. But I don't want a mousse made of one.
Meanwhile, Zambia is more of a country than a blancmange.
All this assumes Google will make it past J. I've been pondering this, and it's anything but straightforward.
Jam Roly Poly would work if Google wanted to associate Android with 1940s England and rationing. Something tells me they won't want to develop this link. Also, Jam Roly Poly is a make-do-and-mend dessert, so probably better suited to Symbian.
Jelly? Jello? Well, the UK and US will never be more divided than when discussing these words. It would be like the Bay of Pigs all over again.
Jaffa Cake? Well, that opens up the biscuit/cake argument that even the finest lawyers in the world can't solve.
'Just Coffee For Me I Don't Want a Dessert' would be a good compromise, and would go down well with the supermodel community. I'm very happy to spend an evening discussing it with their leaders in a hotel room.
It's all very worrying.
Mind you, if Google can get through the alphabet unscathed, it can then start back at the beginning, and at least that will be straightforward.
A for Apple. B for BlackBerry.
Simple.
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