Can mobile healthcare 'rise' to the challenge of erectile dysfunction?
They say the US and the UK are two countries divided by a common language, but I would add TV commercials to the list of differences between Yanks and Limeys.
I've been in San Diego this week for Qualcomm's Uplinq event, and my stay has exposed me once again to the unique joys of the US way with advertising.
Three spots caught me eye. The first was an ad for beds – a really long ad for beds. Here, an interminable queue of people described how these mattresses didn't just send them off to sleep quicker, but also gifted them a different kind of sleep, a sleep altogether deeper than any previous somnumbulance they'd experienced before.
Must get one. My unconscious night hours could do with a re-boot.
Later I was browsing TV channels and happened across a sassy sitcom I'd never heard of. One particularly witty exchange suddenly gave way to this: "This programme is supported by Vagisil Feminine Wash."
Then there are the endless ads for big pharma, which you never see anywhere but the US.
They're so cheesy and euphemistic, and my favourite was the one for erectile dysfunction that featured a handsome white haired man and his handsome wife looking very sweet because he was going to be ready 'when that special moment arrives'.
I laughed out loud when the disclaimers came and the voiceover advised to 'call your doctor if your erection lasts longer than four hours'.
Four hours! That'll wipe the smile off his face.
Another thing. Have you noticed that all these medical ads always show 60 year olds cycling. It seems to be the visual shortcut for health.
But why not pole vaulting?
Why not Ultimate Fighting?
If Uplinq was anything to go by, we may see mobile healthcare ads on our screens soon.
Qualcomm is pouring considerable resources into the space, reflecting a general desire among the mobile biz to push the potentially vast machine to machine (M2M) market.
The firm demonstrated bluetooth stethoscopes that enable a geographically distant medic to consult on the patient, various band aids that monitor and transmit body function info to receivers and even a pill that communicates its location so physician can be sure a person has taken their medication.
Exciting stuff with many obvious benefits. I can see they hypochondriacs and malpractice lawyers rubbing their hands right now.
But if mobile can help keep your erection below four hours, it must be worth persisting with.
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