BMW's mooted app store raises the possibility of car fragmentation and mis-sold wheel subscriptions.
A few weeks back, BMW presented its Concept BMW App Store at the Frankfurt Motor Show. In so doing it became the first car maker to offer drivers the chance to crash their motors while attempting to download Super Monkey Ball.
The in-car app store is such an obvious idea that I'm amazed it's taken this long to hit the agenda. Think about it. We spend years in cars, much of it screaming at spouses and children. As pleasurable as that can be, wouldn't it be good if we could all just ignore each and plug into our own little atomised worlds?
Think of the possibilities for intellectual enrichment – junior playing WWE Smackdown Roid Rage in the back, mum checking out pics of celebrities' sweat patches in the front and dad frantically deleting his history pages from the in-car archive.
Bliss.
BMW says it wants its apps to draw on functions native to the motoring experience – just as mobile apps draw on GPS, contacts book and so on. It says, for example, that apps could incorporate destination times or even acceleration and braking data.
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That's a problem when you're the exec editor of Mobile Entertainment.
This time round, I feel I can squeeze in a justification: BMW have offered me a free car if I write about them! Actually, that's not true. They didn't even return my call. No, this time there's been talk of transferring apps from the in-car system to the mobile, and vice versa.
It's all very exciting and fraught with hair raising mortal danger. But what tickles me is the potential for history repeating itself thus:
1. Car fragmentation. "Sorry, that app only works on BMW 6 Series. Yours is a 5 Series."
2. Mis-sold subscriptions. "I bought a X3 ringtone and ended up being billed for seven wheels I didn't want."
3. Storefront mis-management: "Only the big content providers get in to see BMW. We have to go through Player X."
4. No marketing: "BMW insist on selling cars. They never spend any money marketing ringtones. Idiots."
5. Clicks to purchase: "The UI is rubbish: I had to click 17 times, put my seatbelt on and honk the horn before I got my app."
6. There's no long tail: "If you can't get your app on the dashboard, forget it. Mine's in the glove compartment. Only sold four."
Most of all I'm looking forward to arguing with the old luddites who insist cars are for getting from A to B.
Poor deluded fools.
