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The Ipad promises so much – not least massive rows in the living room
Me: Where's my iPad? Where the hell is it? Why can I never find it when I want it?
Child One: Sorry, I was using it for my homework.
Me: Why do you always take it without asking? It's a loan machine. I have to be very careful with it.
Child One: What do you mean 'loan machine'. You've had it for a year. I thought you were supposed to give it back after a week?
Me: Why is the screen so filthy? I've told you before - don't do iPad and KitKat Chunky at the same time. I can't turn the pages on my digital version of War And Peace.
Child One: It seems to have been stuck on page one for weeks, Dad.
Child Two: How long are you going to be with the iPad? It's just that Doncaster have a massive away fixture against Colchester on Football Manager.
Me: Can't you use the iPod Touch?
Child Two: That piddling piece of shit? I can hardly see the screen.
Me: I paid £179 for that piddling piece of shit.
Child Two: No you didn't. It's a loan machine.
Me: I would be £179 in the shops.
Child Two: Well, I want the iPad. How long will you be?
Me: As long as it takes...Christ, there's only 14 minutes of battery life left. Where's the charger?
Child Three: I've been using it for my iPod.
Me: Well, go and get it.
Child Three: I might have left it at school.
Me: Why are you taking your iPod to school?
Child Three: We're doing a project.
Me: What project?
Child Three: It's about social interaction and how technology is insulating us from contact with other people.
Me: Well, we're interacting now aren't we kids?
(no one responds. everyone has headphones in)
Me: Might as well use the last 14 mins to browse the tech sites. Mmmm, 'new version of iPad rumoured'
One year on...
Me: Where's my iPad 2? Where the hell is it? Why can I never find it when I want it?
Child Two: Sorry I was using it.
Me: Can't you use the iPad 1?
Child One, Two and Three: That piddling piece of shit? Doesn't even run Flash.
Wife: God, why don't you kids all go out and do something that doesn't involve screens.
(Hysterical laughter ensues)
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Love this piece of theatre. Well done Tim :)
I twitted it straight away.
Cheers
Yann
I can't be bothered to say anything about the "iPad", but as for this piece of writing..........
Tim and Stuart have made their mark as astute and articulate commentators on the mobile entertainment scene. A possible expansion of these talents into mainstream drama does not, on this evidence, seem promising. The wait for a successor to Pinter or Stoppard will have to continue.
There is some attempt at word play, for example the interjection of "Christ" and "God", though in this case absent of the religious irony of, say, Beckett at his best (or worst for that matter). The script is mercifully short, the most apt line being the final "Hysterical laughter ensues".
This all said, I do understand that Granada TV is looking for fresh writing talent..........
I'm still working on the script and songs for Gizmondo: The Musical...
Funny. Apple should make 'kids versions' of iPhone and iPad. iPad will become the ultimate fight for the new "remote control." Only solution is buy 4 of them! geez.... I am unsure about the iPad now. I am thinking, if I want to read a book, why don't I just buy the book? Do I have to pay out $500 to read books and watch TV? And you have to keep in mind the size. No one will listen to music off an iPad on the go because it won't slip into your pocket like the iPod or iPhone.
I personally love good technology and will probably get an iPad or something like it for myself. But before bringing a new gadget home, every parent must think through its impact on the kids and family life.
Kids left to themselves consume media as they do junk food. The more the media, the poorer the grades and the lesser imaginative play and family interactions. According to a recent Kaiser Family Foundation poll, 1/5 of those ages eight to eighteen now get as much as nineteen hours of media daily and have lower grades and report more unhappiness.
I am also concerned that parent distraction by media might be damaging vital formation of youngsters' brain circuits -- I have seen mothers on their cell phones or texting while breast-feeding. Can these interruptions contribute to later brain-based problems, including to the recent rise autism? There can be great benefits to technology, but there are alarming trends and important unanswered questions.
I believe that parents should commit to leading their youngsters towards positive uses whatever electronic media happen to us. They should plan media consumption as they do meals and for the long run as they do for college. By being fully present and applying sound child-rearing and family support principles, parents can now create balanced media plans that lead youngsters to the values and orientation they will need to succeed in an increasingly technology-rich world.
Eitan Schwarz MD FAACAP DLFAPA is the author of “Kids, Parents, and Technology: An Instruction Manual for Young Families” (www.mydigitalfamily.org )
