World According to ME: When Steve Jobs met the sun

What happened when Apple negotiated with the sun over solar power? Might have gone like this...

This week, it emerged that Apple is turning to the awesome power of the sun to solve the unceasing problem of smartphone battery life, patenting a tech for the solar charging of phones and other portable devices.

Jobs and the sun: a true meeting of equals.

I'd love to have been party to those negotiations.

Here's how they might have gone:

Sun: "Nice to see you Steve, and may I say how much I've enjoyed shining out of your arse since the Pixar days. What can I do for you?"

Steve: "We're building a solar-powered panel for our device range. We'd love your cooperation on this, but we're gonna do it anyway, so don't fuck with me."

Sun: "Whoa! What you've done with the iPhone has been amazing. Me and the other guys in the Orion Arm love Doodle Jump. But I should remind you that I built my network of radiance over 4.5bn years, investing millions of dollars into my patented process of stellar nucleosynthesis. I think I deserve a decent rev share for that."

Steve: "I'm sure we can negotiate on this. How about some kind of exclusivity? iPhone users will get all the good rays. Everyone else can have the crap ones, like gamma waves. No one wants that shit."

Sun: "I dunno. Feels wrong to discriminate. They've been very loyal."

Steve: "Think of the ARPUs. I don't want to threaten you, but if we don't work something out, I'm going to Alpha Centuri."

Sun: "Let's schedule a meeting at Mobile World Congress. I'm always there. Well, not last year. It pissed down."

Steve: "We never go to MWC. We just hang around on the sidelines ominously. You need to get this deal done now. I warn you, Google is working on some kind of artificial light source that will eat your lunch in two years. And RIM's got the Torch.

Sun: "Oh, go on then. Two years, then I go to Samsung. Any chance I can have a free iPod Touch?

Steve: "No."

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